Wednesday, February 29, 2012

too nice?

In general, I'm about as easy going and go-with-the-flow type mommy as they come.  I let GQ play like most young boys play-- hard and fast and with great imagination.  If he and his friends want to play and make believe they're ninjas, it's all good with me.  They can "fight" or "battle" all they want, as long as nobody is getting hurt.  After all, they're boys and they need the release of this type of play after a long day of first grade.  We're out at the park, on grass, everybody playing is consenting, I'm watching closely just to jump in and referee if needed...we're all good.  Right?  Apparently not.

There is a particular mom that is there everyday at the park.  I've talked to this mom every day after school since the beginning of the school year, so most people would consider her a friend, but she's seriously a pain-in-my-ass.  I dread our daily chats.  We'll call her Momo (short for moron.)  I know, mean, but's fitting.

So, Momo, sees the boys "battling" all the time and knows that I'm keeping an eye on things and making sure it's all good, but she often points out "they're playing really rough, you need to make them stop."  Assuming she doesn't see my eyes roll behind my sunglasses I respond "they're all good...just boys being boys.  If somebody is hurt or wants to stop, you'll know, they'll call time or scream."  I swear, not two minutes later it's the same thing again.  *ugh*  I just learn to ignore and let the kids play, don't let her trying to tell me how to parent my child bother me...easy going...go-with-the-flow.

A day or two later.  At the park, watching the kids play, Momo brings up homeless people and how she's annoyed by them.  She just can't understand why they're begging, blah, blah, blah.  A couple other parents are listening by default and/or chiming in.  I ignore for the most part but get so tired of hearing how these people annoy her and blah, blah, blah, I decide to shut her down.  "If I see somebody that I know is in need, I try to help.  If it's a meal I can buy them or a few dollars I can give them, I do what I can.  I don't care if they buy beer or cigarettes, if that's what gets them through their day, I'm glad I could help."  Crickets chirping.  Finally, she stopped talking.

My tolerance is slowly decreasing for Momo.  It wasn't much to begin with, but I can be nice, after all, that is what we have taught don't have to like everybody but you do need to treat them nicely.  So, I'm nice.  It's just extra-hard to be nice to somebody that is so intolerant of people's differences.

The day after the homeless discussion at the park seems uneventful.  Nice.  Dang it, I spoke too soon.  Momo's daughter comes over crying to her mom "those girls are being mean to me."  Momo immediately assumes they've hit her daughter and asks where she's hurt.  "no, I'm not hurt but they won't play with me."  In my head I'm thinking she's going to explain to her daughter that it's no big deal, it's a big park, lots of kids, she can certainly find something to do.  That's the reasonable explanation, right?  Not for Momo.  Her response to her kindergartner... "They are poopy heads."  That's nice Momo, calling 5-7 year old girls shit heads to your kindergartner, good move.  She sends her daughter off to play and then says to me "those situations are so rough, I just never know what to say."  If you're not sure what to say, how about offering a hug and leaving it at that.  Calling little kids names isn't what you do.

I know this is getting long, but I'm just trying to give you a good picture of what I deal with on a daily basis and why I so dread our interactions.  I could go on and on with daily updates, but I won't bore you with all the details and I'll wrap this up soon, I promise. But, can you see my tolerance for Momo lessening each day?

So we're at the park today and there is a little girl that comes to the park every day with her brother.  This little girl doesn't have a parent there and she sort of flounders around until her brother is ready to walk home.  And every day this little girl asks me for snacks or asks GQ to share his snack and every day GQ shares if she hits him up before he devours it.  I've told GQ it's nice for him to share but he doesn't have to share all the time, it's his snack.  I bring a granola bar, so it's not like he's holding a family-sized bag of chips, it's not unreasonable for him to say no.  Today this little girl came over to GQ and before she could ask he said "I don't have a snack and don't ask my mom for one."  (he could have added a please, but it wasn't a snotty tone)  She immediately walks over to me and asks for a snack and while she's asking for a snack Momo tells my child "don't be mean."

There is a moment of silence on my part and then she gets a glare from me as I think to myself  did she really just tell my child not to be mean?  After she complains to me all the time about this girl always begging for food from me?  After she calls children's services on these kid's mom because they're at the park on their own every day?  After her own daughter comes over to me every day, too, and says "I'm sooooo hungry" and I either ask GQ to share a snack or have an extra with me?  After she's told her own daughter that some little girls were "poopy heads"?  After I watched her son get up in another little boys face and say "I'm not sharing, I've been sharing a lot this month and I'm tired of it, I'm not sharing with you." and she said absolutely nothing to him to correct that?  Are you freaking kidding me?

I totally didn't say anything to her.  I got home, stewed on it and about imploded.  How dare you tell my child "don't be mean" while I am right there and can handle the situation, if it were even a situation.  There was nothing to be handled.  GQ took care of it and the manner he did it in was perfectly acceptable.  I can't believe I didn't say anything to her.  *GAH*  I'm so mad at myself.  I hate to be confrontational but I hate (and I really dislike using that word) but I hate when somebody tries to parent my child when I'm right there.  I knew what was going on and I was good with it.  Sometimes I so hate (there it is again) being so easy going and go-with-the-flow.  I feel like my not responding makes her feel like she's OK stepping in to say dumb things.  Totally not going to let that happen again.  And If I don't feel like I shut her up, I'll sick GQ on her and he can tell her to shut the hell up.  (He would totally love it if I let him tell somebody that.)  My mom will be completely mortified reading that.  Sorry mom.  ;)

1 comment:

1 Crafty Gal said...

I was totally laughing and enjoying that story until MOMO opened her mouth and said GQ was being mean!!! I seriously do love your story though! :D I'd give her a snack, a nice knuckle sammich!